EP 73: How Do I Feel Like I'm Doing Enough?

In episode 73 of Being in the Arena, Zach Arend addresses a common concern—how to feel like you're doing enough in all aspects of life. He tackles this question by challenging the notion of "doing enough" and emphasizes the importance of focusing on feelings of peace, fulfillment, and completeness. Zach shares insights gained from personal experiences, coaching interactions, and invites listeners to shift their perspective from the relentless pursuit of doing enough to embracing a sense of peace and contentment in the present moment. Offering practical advice, he encourages a shift in mindset and highlights the power of choosing peace over the constant striving for accomplishment. Tune in for a transformative exploration into finding balance and contentment in your journey. For more from Zach, visit www.zacharend.com and discover a new perspective on leadership and life.

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TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

You just have to be taking action on it on a consistent basis. Because what we're actually after isn't the outcome or the result we just need to feel a sense of progress.

Zach Arend: Welcome to Being in the Arena, a podcast for leaders and entrepreneurs. Those who desire to be in the arena of their life and their leadership. Who want to increase their influence and impact and how they show up for those around them in their lives. That's what we're here to talk about today. And today I want to answer a question from one of my readers of the 8-Second Daily Coach. 

It's an, it's a daily question that I send my community. If you want to join that email list, just go to www.zacharend.com/dailyquestion. It's just a short email where I share a question to help you reflect and inquire within on how you can show up more powerfully in any given day so that you can create the results that you want to see in your life and your business. 

Well, in this instance, I asked, I reversed it and I asked my community a question. And that was "what questions do you have for me? I'll answer them personally." And today I want to answer one of those questions. One of my readers asked me "how can I feel I'm doing enough in all aspects of my life? How can I feel I'm doing enough in all aspects of my life?" And when I read this question, 

I'm going to be honest initially, I was like, I'm not so sure I'm the best one to answer this question. Because I'm all too familiar with the feeling of not doing enough in all aspects of my life. You know, and right now what's coming to my mind is the myth of work-life balance, right? You know, and we've heard all this. Like, this is nothing new. You go on LinkedIn, you know, listen to any self-help person. 

They're going to talk about work-life balance and how you know, that's not right. Work-life balance is a myth. And I think they're right. You know, it is a myth like to be in perfect balance in everything in your life is like, wow, that sounds exhausting. I liked the idea of work-life harmony. Or better yet just seeing work, life, family, all of it as a dance, it's just a dance. 

And sometimes we're over here. Sometimes we're over here. You know, and it's a dance. But I want to go deeper into that today because I think it's a real question. It's a, it's an important question because. It's a nagging feeling constantly. I mean, do you ever experience like this nagging feeling of. Am I doing enough? 

I don't feel like I'm doing enough. I'm not doing enough. I'm never doing enough. I mean, if you're in the room with me and you were raising your hand right now, I mean, what would you be one of the people raising their hand? I'm already visualizing us all, raising our hand really high. Of course. Yeah. 

So, first of all, this is a normal feeling. You all, like not doing enough. It's a normal feeling. It's a normal story that we tell ourselves, and you know what? In many ways it serves us. If you look back on your life, that constant nagging feeling of not doing enough has gotten you to do a lot in your life. I mean, you get a lot done. You do a lot. Most people would say " what do you mean? You're so productive."

I mean, "If only I could do half of what you do." Right. But it's not about what other people think it's about your experience and what I think the question really is asking. "How can I feel that I'm doing enough?" 

Is. 

" I don't like that feeling. I don't like feeling like I'm not doing enough. How do I get rid of that feeling of not doing enough?" So to two ways of looking at that, maybe, but what I want to do now is, I wrote down five things because I don't know, I was like "let's make this episode a little more practical." Sometimes my wife says I can be a little bit meta and I'm like, "yeah, I know."

And I think it's important to be able to look at things through that lens because when you can see things through a different lens, you can start to show up differently. That's a different episode. 

I want to give you some practical things. Can I do that? Five things. So the question is " how can I feel like I'm doing enough in all aspects of my life?" Well, I'm going to actually attempt to do the impossible here. And maybe create more of these feelings that you're after. The first thing is when I'm working with somebody one-on-one or in one of my groups or events, you know, I get questions like this. 

"How do I know I'm doing enough?" Or "how do I, how can I feel I'm doing enough?" And I always love to ask, like, well, what, how would you know, what would indicate that you are indeed doing enough? What would indicate that you are indeed doing enough? How would, you know? 

And inevitably I look across the table or a zoom screen, and I see kind of this blank look on, on, on your face. " That's a good question. I don't know." It's because there's no answer to that question. You cannot ever know that you're doing enough. So first and foremost, let's just be like, "Maybe the question isn't useful."

Am I doing enough? Maybe the whole objective and the whole goal isn't useful. Notice, I'm not saying it's bad or it's wrong. It's just not useful. How useful is it to even ask the question? But we do, but I just want to just highlight like the insanity of the question in the first place. 

Now, if you're the one that asks this, I'm not saying that you are insane. I'm saying the question is insane. Right? Th the intention is insane. It's impossible. Because if you can't know when you truly indeed have done enough... and I'm not so sure we want that. I mean, I think we do, but I don't know what if it's kind of cool knowing there's always more to do, like there's always another mountain to climb? And you know what? 

I'm always at the bottom of a mountain. That's what growth feels like to always feel like you have more to do than you have time. Like it's just normal. So the first one is, maybe it's a little meta. Okay. I'm hearing my wife in my ear like "that's still a little meta." But how would you know? 

And if you can't know, then maybe the question and the whole goal isn't useful in the first place. But let's go deeper because it's still there. Right. I mean, it's like, "okay. Yeah. Intellectually. That makes sense. But still, I still feel this nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough." Okay, here's another question. If you were doing enough. If you were doing enough. If you were to know that you were doing enough and you can look at your calendar, you can look at your to-do list, your inbox, all the things that would indicate that you are indeed doing enough, you did enough that day or you did enough that quarter or that year, what would be different for you? 

What would that look and feel like? To know that you did enough, that you are doing enough? What feeling, what would that do for you to internally know that "yes, I am doing enough. I am enough. I'm doing enough." What would that feel like? I'm going to answer for myself as I don't know what it would feel like for you, but, because I'm, raising my hand. 

This question nags at me too. And so I'm just sharing personally well, how would I feel if I knew I was, I did enough today? And the word 'peace' comes to mind. Words like 'peace,' 'fulfillment,' 'complete.' 

Yeah, those are three words. 'peace,' 'fulfillment,' 'completeness.' That's, I think, what we're really after. Right. Because if I were to do enough, I could feel like I could relax. I could feel at peace. I could feel happy. I could feel confident. All of those feelings that we're actually chasing. So what if it's not actually about doing enough, it's about feeling peaceful, it's about feeling fulfillment and complete and relaxed and happy and confident? The feel good emotions. We want to feel like we can just take a breath and be okay knowing that we did enough. Are you following with me? What if we're not actually after doing enough, we're actually after peace? Okay. 

And so one of the questions my coach asked me one time and it just hit me. It's like, "damn. When you put it that way." He said. "What's more important, doing enough or having peace?" What's more important, knowing you did enough or having fulfillment, being at peace? 

Because when you put it that way, it's like, "you know, honestly, peace is more important than doing enough." And what's so amazing is you can choose to come from a place of peace right now knowing that, "you know what? I'm done running on this hamster wheel of doing enough. I choose peace now. I choose fulfillment now. I choose to be happy now."

Because you can. And that's one of the number, one things my clients uncover as we're working together in one of my events. Like little just this past week I completed one of my Leading in the Arena. It's a free workshop I do both virtually and in person, and we really talked about being and how making it a place to come from, not a place to get to because when you make it a place to come from peace, you can choose that right now. And so that actually moves us right into number three. 

So number one, you know, just the insanity of the question. Like how could you actually know that you're doing enough? And the, if you don't have an answer really deep down, you really can't know. And I think even deeper down you'll know like, well, it never is enough. It never will be enough. There's always something else. And then that leads us into number two is "okay, well then what is the feeling I'm actually after? 

What do I believe that doing enough will get me?" 'Peace.' "Oh, Well, what's more important, peace or doing enough?" "Well, peace." And now we're going to make peace a place to come from. And so number three is learning to shift your focus from doing to being. From doing to being. 

Because what would be different if you were the embodiment of peace, of fulfillment, of confidence, of happiness, and you were being that? That is who you are at your core. What if you were to believe that and see that? Now, coming from that place of peace, letting the doing flow from peace, letting the doing flow from confidence. 

You see, we don't have to do enough in order to feel peace or feel confidence. We can choose that now, but that's only going to come from who we're being. And that's a powerful shift, a powerful distinction, shifting from doing to being. Because when you can realize that you get to choose that now. Think about your values, you know. For me, one of my values is growth. Another value is peace, and if I let them those two can be at conflict a lot. But if I can embody both of them, I'm coming from a place of growth and peace, always. 

And one of my mantras that I write a lot is "From peace, I create everything." Because it's so true. When I am coming from a place of peace, this is when I'm the most likely to create. This is when I am the most productive. This is when I am the most intuitive and thoughtful and the instincts are alive and I'm able to be present and really, truly create. 

So "from peace, I create everything." 

And so now I'm making peace primary in my life 'cause before I had the doing as primary in peace as secondary. What if we make peace as primary? Make the being of peace primary. So that's number three. Shifting from a doing state to a being state. And coming from a place of the feeling and the emotions that you truly desire to have. Number four is, you know, this feeling of "I'm not doing enough, I don't feel like I'm doing enough," it leads to us feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. 

Right. I mean that, one's another one. We've talked a lot about that. Not only on this podcast, but I think we're all aware of the burnout rate. I think there's a stat out there that says eight out of 10 people say they feel burnt out by their work. 

Eight out of 10 people. That's absolutely crazy. Like eight out of 10 people choose to be burnt out. And then, I know that's pretty blunt, like that maybe feels unfair. I say the same things to myself. I'm like, "well, if I'm saying I'm burnt out, I'm overwhelmed, I'm choosing that. How am I creating this?" And burnout? No. The more I lean into this for my own life and my clients and you know, the second we start exploring this, what we often find out is we're not burnt out, we're bored. We're not burnt out, we're bored. 

And I recently came across some research Adam Grant's doing or some research he was sharing. I don't know if it was exactly his research, but he said that psychology has a term for this. He says it's "bore out." Psychology literally has a term for this. And he it's called "bore out."

So we're not burnout. We're bored out. Because deep down, you know, it's not because we're overwhelmed over obligated and got too much to do. That's not it. It's just simply flat out. We're not doing what deep down we know we can do. We know that we desire to do, because I don't know about you, but this has been my experience. I always have a long to-do list. And yet, there's usually one thing that's on there and it's often at the bottom of the list, or it's not even on the list because I'm afraid to put it on the list. 

It's that one thing that if I were to do it, Everything else just doesn't matter anymore. I feel complete. I feel at peace because I know that I'm being the person I desire to be in therefore doing the actions that are congruent with who I desire to be. I'm serious. If you're a writer or maybe you want to be a writer or maybe you want to start a business or just start exploring entrepreneurship. And yet, if you don't do it, if you don't even take any action on it. 

Like my question for you is "what are you doing about it?" You know, like if you want to start a nonprofit, if you want to give back or take on a hobby or a new passion. Well, as long as you tell people that "and I want to do, I mean, I just don't have time to do it. It's just so busy." You know, I just don't buy that story. 

Stop enrolling yourself in that story. It's just a story. Again, what if you were to make the thing that you desire most primary? Like just flat out it's primary. Everything else is going to have to fit in around it. I promise you. Burnout will no longer be a thing. It just will go away. You're not burnt out. 

You're bored out because you're not doing the one thing that you truly feel called to do. You're not doing what your heart is desiring to do because the moment you do... and you don't have to like do it full out, like finished, done. 

You just have to be taking action on it on a consistent basis. Because what we're actually after isn't the outcome or the result we just need to feel a sense of progress.

 Look, and I don't know if that's true for you, but I don't even know if it's true. 

It's useful. I find it useful. I find it true for me that when I feel like I'm in pursuit of something and I'm feeling a sense of progress, there's peace. And that only comes from taking action on the things that you desire most in your life. Are you doing that? 

And it usually come from not doing more, but doing less. My mentor says it's not about what you need to do, it's about what you're not going to do again. And he has us build a, Never Do Again list. Like "what are you going to stop doing to make room for what you ultimately desire to do?'

So that's number four. We think we're burned out, but we're actually bored out because we're not doing deep down what we know we desire to do and can do what our potential is. 

And number five, this is the, actually the culprit behind it all. In my Leading in the Arena event, we start to pull back the curtain on how this really influences who we be on a day-to-day basis and who you are determines what you do and how you do it. Because everything comes from a place of who you're being. The doing always flows from that place. And so if you're being overwhelmed or being that you're not doing enough, then who, what do you tend to do when you're being that. This is what I do. 

I'm very unproductive. I go looking for distractions. I don't do anything productive when I'm being overwhelmed. So, but what's behind this, like what is driving this? What in, what is telling us that we're not doing enough in the first place? This is, Steven Pressfield calls it resistance. That voice of resistance. It's your ego. Your ego, that inner critic, that inner voice that's constantly nagging at you constantly telling you that you're not doing enough. Are you familiar with that part of you that's constantly like "how did I do today? I didn't get done, what I wanted to get done. I'm. That today was not productive. I didn't do enough. I need, I'm not, I got too much to do and I don't have enough time."

That whole audio track that runs in your mind, you are not that story. That is a story that's probably been there for many years, for probably as long as you can remember in some shape or form. And it's there because in some place, some time in your life, it's served, you. Because you knew that if I could show that I'm doing enough and then I'm busy and I'm productive, then I'm okay. And this is your ego's job. 

This is the voice of resistance's job, is to just simply keep you safe. Keep you safe and therefore keep you small. Keep you much smaller than you know yourself to be. That's your ego's job. And so, we go through this exercise, it's one of the most powerful, it's one of my favorite things to do in groups of people. 

And we did this again at my second Leading in the Arena event just this past week. And what people realize like, "oh my gosh," there is this deep seated fear of who I think I might be. That I'm so afraid of that actually is running my life. And so, and that is your ego. But it's oftentimes very unique to you. And when you can uncover that and start to look at that clearly and see it for what it is. 

You'll recognize some of these stories around not doing enough or experienced enough or knowing enough all of that is coming from a place of safety, of fear, of ego, of resistance. And what if you could learn to acknowledge it and recognize it, but no longer allow it to drive and run your life? Who would you be without that voice? 

Who would you be without that ego and that resistance? I believe you would be free from the question of, "am I doing enough?" So those are the five points that I want to bring to the table around this feeling of "how can I know, how can I feel that I'm doing enough in all aspects of my life?" I want to thank the reader that shared that question because, I'll be honest,

I didn't want to answer it. I think I put it off a little bit because I'm like this one. I wrestled with this one and on literally these five points I'm giving them to myself as much as I am to you. I'm using these as reminders for myself. And so what are you taking away from this episode? 

I'd love to hear from you. I'm on Instagram at zach.arend, LinkedIn at Zach Arend, Z A C H, A R E N D. Or you can subscribe to the 8-Second Daily Coach and get these questions that I'm asking. Get a daily question from me, short, sweet, several sentences, just, you know, giving you things to really ponder and think about as you start each morning. So that you can show up more powerfully, more clear, and with more conviction on what you're here to do and the impact you desire to make. And if you want that go to www.zacharend.com/dailyquestion. 

So as always, I really value your time and listening, and your commitment to yourself, to growth and to Being in the Arena with me, because not everybody's willing to Be in the Arena. Most people want to sit in the grand stands and watch other people Be in the Arena and that's not us. We choose to Be in the Arena day in, day out. 

Thanks for listening. And I'll see in the next episode.