EP 84 | Saddle Your Own Horse - Part 4: Creating Extraordinary Results Together

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Zach Arend: What would we love to create? What's the results we want to see here? What's the opportunity? How do we grow from this? That's moving the conversation into possibility. 

 Welcome back or welcome to Being in the Arena. This is a conversation about what it means to be a leader that is saddling their own horse. Being in the arena, because leadership isn't about what you do or how you do it, it's about who you're being.

And it's a fundamental choice to lead in the arena. 

And over the last several episodes, we've been going through a four part series on this principle called Saddle Your Own Horse. I did a TED talk on this principle and I wanted to explore in more depth, some of the key ideas I introduced in the, in the TED talk.

So if you haven't listened to that, go check out the TED talk. You can go to my website, www. It's on the homepage. You'll see it, but give it a listen because it's the premise for everything we've been going through over the last several episodes. Today is part four of a four part series. And so just as a really quick recap, part one, we explored the idea of, of the world and how we tend to say like eight out, I think there's a stat that says eight out of 10 of us.

I don't think there is a stat out there that says eight out of 10 of us. Or burnt out eight out of 10 of us. And in my TED talk and in that episode, we really explored the, well, what if, what if we're not burnt out? What if we're bored? Because I think a lot of us are, we're not doing deep down what we know we can do.

And it leads to a life of kind of boredom of just knowing that there's, there's something we're not doing that we know we can do, and that'll eat away at you. And we explored that in episode, in the first part of this discussion and how we try to supplement self care and mindfulness apps and all of these things.

And at the root of it is we're just not doing what we're truly called to do. And we need to learn to listen to that whisper and step into it, step into the arena. So that's what part one was. Part two, we really look closer at, well, there's three questions actually to guide us on this journey for us to, if we say yes to these three questions, we're going to be feeling more, more engaged in our work in our life.

And, and it's the relationship we have with these questions that really matters. It's how we see ourselves in position in relation to what's around us that either puts us in a position to saddle our own horse or doesn't. And so we explored that in part two. And then in part three, we really dove deep into this current culture of irresponsibility.

We kind of have gone from a culture in the world, a culture of honor and dignity to somewhat of a culture of victimhood. I hesitate saying I go, I think it's true. I mean, I just, there's just kind of this lack of responsibility in the world. There's this culture of irresponsibility. It's almost become cool to, to blame others, to yell across the aisles.

And we have to take a hard look at that. And we, we did in part three, I actually called you to look closer at how you're showing up. Because we have to, because that's the very nature of responsibility is looking, looking and saddling our own horse. And we just looked at how, how are we contributing to maybe some of the irresponsibility in the world.

And that's an important question to look at. And so if you haven't, go back and listen to part three, cause we really look at that deeply today, I want to move us out of that and move us into creating extraordinary results together. How do we? How do we take this on and create a world where every single one of us are saddling our own horse in our organizations, on our teams, our companies, and our families?

And, you know, I'm saying this from a place of, I don't have the answer. Like, it's not like I have, like, just, "here's four steps and problem solved." It's not that simple. But these are principles that, they've served me well in my life. They've served my clients well. And through lived experience, through research, I've landed on that these, these are, these are universally true and they're important.

And if you do apply these, you're going to create the conditions to, have a culture where everybody saddles their own horse. Ultimately, it's going to lead you to creating a business, a family unit that's creating extraordinary results, extraordinary lives together. And that's what I'm all about.

Helping teams, helping people do that because there's nothing, there's no other feeling like it in the world. To be on a winning team. Not just because we have a lot of money and we hired a talented team, but because we overcome adversity together and we came out victorious on the other end, like there's no other feeling. And that's what we're here to do today in this episode.

How do we create extraordinary results together? What are the key ingredients? And I'm willing to, there's tons, there's probably hundreds of other things you could add to this list, but these are the four that I landed on that I think are pretty critical. And this is about not just you creating extraordinary results individually.

This is about as a unit, as a, as a group of people in your companies, on your teams, your family's like, how do we create something extraordinary together? That's that's key. So there's four, the first thing we first practice is we have to, we have to win the inner game to win the outer game. Meaning, we've got to take responsibility for how we're showing up.

To begin any type of conversation, we've, we explored this in a previous episode. As leaders, we, we want so bad to get people on board. And something I teach in my workshops is, well, we can't get people to do anything. We just can't. And as soon as we realize that and stop trying, that's when the real conversations occur.

So we have to drop the getting buy in and all of that. So if we're going to create extraordinary, extraordinary results together, we have to create an environment where people are either going to choose to opt in or opt out. And the only way you can do that without manipulating them or feeling like they have no choice, is you have to get yourself to neutral, neutral, because oftentimes we, as leaders, we get in this position where it's like, "Oh my God, we have six months to figure this out, or this is going to fail," whether that means like ultimate failure, we're out of business, or this product launch is going to fail, or, you know, we're not going to hit our sales goals for the year, it's over, you know. We've got to stop coming from that place because that shuts down the creative conversations, in my opinion, checking on with yourself. Yeah. There's, there's some urgency that we get, like when you have to do something. Especially at an individual personal level, sometimes like, yeah, when I have to make money or I'm not going to be able to pay the mortgage, you better believe I am motivated to get to work, but I'm not so convinced that actually works at a like collective level.

I can't like take my anxiety and push it out to the group and let them take it on. Like that's just going to create a lot of unrest in the group and that it's not going to be helpful. So we're going to have to get ourselves to neutral. And what this means is letting go of the have to's and the need to's.

And again, this isn't, I don't, maybe you do have to close X amount of sales by the end of the quarter or you're going to go out of business and I'm not here to argue what's true or not. It's just like, what's most useful in this moment to take responsibility for how you're showing up to create the best results you possibly can?

And I'm telling here to tell you, you can control how you show up. You don't have to let your circumstances determine how you show up. So whether. You're out of business or not in 30 days. You don't have to show up with a, with an air of panic and fear. You can show up with two feet on the ground and you can start from a place of neutral.

You can detach from your fear, your worry, the self doubt of what might happen. It hasn't happened yet. And if you're a really smart person, you're going to argue with me like, well, it's going to happen. I don't care. It hasn't happened yet. So let's start from neutral and let's show up in the room from a place of, I don't have, we don't have to do anything.

And what ultimately the test is here is you got to get yourself to a place of if this fails, we might go out of business, or if we don't close a hundred thousand dollars, we're going to miss our goal this year. You have to be willing to be with that idea. Be willing to be with the possibility of that occurring.

Look, and I'm not saying you're promoting it and you're just like, well, what'll happen will happen. I'm not promoting this laissez faire. I'm, it's a, it's a, it's kind of a spiritual thing. It's kind of like internally, you have to be like, "you know what? If the worst happens, we'll be okay. It's fine. I'll be." 

Like, you just got to get yourself to a position of "it will be okay."

Get yourself to position, because now you can come from a little bit more of a place of peace, which is where creativity lies. You, nobody who's living in fear is very creative. Nobody who's consumed with anxiety has a lot of creative ideas to offer. Usually they don't. So we've got to get ourselves to a position of neutral so we can let, let this thing come to life so we can bring our A game. 

So that's begin at neutral.

The second thing is we've got to get our team to do the same thing. We've got to get them to neutral. So we've got to help them release some of the heavy energy, the heavy negative thoughts and ideas that are weighing down the room. And one of the best ways to do that is to just kind of sense and observe the emotional temperature in the room and use it.

Leverage a tool that I teach in my workshops, acknowledge and validate. Acknowledge what is and then validate why it's there. You know what? It's understandable. If we're all feeling immense anxiety right now, considering we've missed our sales goal four months in a row, it's understandable that we're feeling a lot of anxiety and overwhelm, considering all the things that have been thrown at us on the economy.

And on top of that, we just lost our largest customer. It's understandable that we're, we're feeling like we're, we're in it. And that's all like, there's no like, and I now have a solution for how we're going to get through that. It's like, leaders, we need to stop leading with our solutions. Stop leading with the answer.

Stop putting pressure on yourself to have the answer. You, you, you have a freaking team that all have unique perspectives. Enlist them in the solution. And, and that's what we're here to do. Get yourself to neutral. Stop putting it all on you. Share the burden. Let everyone in the room feel the weight of responsibility.

You're not, like, in, like, pushing it on them, but you're just letting what is be. Acknowledging and validating the discomfort, the overwhelm, the anxiety, the burnout, whatever it is. And validating why it's there. And "Hey, that just makes us normal." But then of course you don't stay there because no, no teams ever move forward if we just stay there.

But if we got to start there sometimes, because it's just kind of like tells everybody in the room, like I'm human too, and I'm with you and I feel what you feel. And like, we're in this together, we're starting at neutral and now it allows us to move into step three and that is. Move our conversation toward possibility.

Move our conversation toward possibility. Stop trying to solve problems. Problem solving is a trap. So we have to put possibility ahead of problem solving. If we're going to move through things. Because problem solving is such a distraction and it, it deceives us. It gives us this feeling of productivity.

And yet we're really not moving forward. I, there was a time in my life where I, I'm really good at solving problems. I probably still am. I just stopped thinking, I don't focus on problems. I just, I don't pay attention to them. Wow. Pretty irresponsible. No, I just, I might notice something that's like not working for me or like, that ain't what we want.

But instead of like turning it into this massive problem to be solved, I just get back to, well, what do I want to create? What is what I want? How would I create that? What would be the steps I would be taking? What would I be doing? It's a different energy. Because problem solving, you can solve a lot of problems in your business.

You can get really good at solving problems and not be any further along towards your vision and what you're really trying to do. And that's how most of us live our lives, jumping from one problem to the next, which is a very reactive way of living and leading, versus, there are those who spend their time in creativity.

Creating. Okay. It's kind of like, I like this metaphor of a canvas. An artist. I'm not an artist. I wish, maybe in a previous life I was. 

But imagine a painter. Brush stroke after brush stroke. Yeah, that's not quite right. Let's move a little, let's add a little green here. Oh, now we need a little brown. Like, you're never out of the game.

You're constantly adding brushstrokes wherever you're like, yeah, that's not quite right. Let's tweak that. Let's keep moving that. They're, they aren't problem solving in a, in a piece of art. You're just like, it's like improvising. You're moving with it. You're dancing with it. That's the world of possibility.

Dancing with the world of possibility instead of reacting to problems.

 And here's another thing about problem solving that's often so deceiving, because problem solving. Something happens in the business, in our lives, and then we make it mean something. And that is where we turn it into a problem. The meaning we give something, is what determines whether or not it's a problem or not.

And then of course, when we see a problem, we work the problem. The problem with that is, is Where did the problem come from? It came from the thinking that created the problem. So oftentimes we think, see things in the business as problems, but it's really our thinking that's making it a problem.

And so we create the problem. And then we try to solve the various thing that we're creating. So it's like, it creates this like perpetual loop where we create problems and then we solve, but then we're constantly creating new problems. And then we try to solve those, but we're at the source of it all.

Like this is getting really spiritual here, but it's, you've got to get this. Like, this is critical, like the, your relationship to what's happening and your meaning of interpreting things as a problem instantly puts you in a position of like, okay, well then I have to solve it. But how often can things be like, what we once thought was a problem was like 

like we were making a, was a mountain out of a molehill.

And we realized that as soon as we moved the conversation into possibility. What do we want? 

What would we love to create? What's the results we want to see here? What's the opportunity? How do we grow from this? That's moving the conversation into possibility. 

It's a creative conversation. And this is about creating extraordinary results together, not solving extraordinary problems.

Like, I'm not interested in solving problems. I'm interested in creating results we want to see. Aren't you? So, so let's sit the problems down and let's shift our attention towards possibility. The what if questions. 

And how do we move everybody into possibility? And that leads us to the fourth thing.

And that is, we have to have empowering conversations. Empowering. This is a podcast. So if we're in person, I would write the word empower on a flip chart. E M P O W E R, empower. The word means to give power. And Patty McCord, I'm with her on this topic, she wrote a book called Powerful and she said, said this on empower.

She said, yeah, the word means to give power, but she asked this in your face question and I appreciate it. She's a very in your face type of person, a very honest person. And she's, she's like, "well, who took it away in the first place?" She's speaking about our organizations and our leaders. It's like, dang, yeah, she's on to something.

And now I, I intentionally cross out the word empower because I'm with her. She says, we're, our job isn't to empower people, to give power. It's to recognize that these are people, they walk in the door with power and our job is to teach them to saddle their own horse, to remind them and get them to use their power.

And we do that not by empowering them by giving them power, but by in-powering them. I write the word I N power, in-power. Our job as leaders to keep people in power, in their own responsibility. And look, that can be uncomfortable and that's why so few of us do it, but that's where all the magic occurs. Because we have to create an environment where every single one of us feels the weight of responsibility, where we just kind of have this expectation that we're here to saddle our own horse.

That's, that's what it means to be a human being. And so there's empowering conversations. There's questions that we can ask people that keep the, the responsibility on the individuals. Our job as leaders is not to rescue people. It's to empower them, to keep them in a position to, to show up with all the ownership they can, they can bring to the table.

It's it's to teach them to saddle their own horse. And we do that by a lot of ways, but one of the ways is just asking more and telling less, like asking more questions, open ended questions, questions that we don't already have answers to like curiosity based questions, but they're questions that are designed to place the responsibility on the individual questions like.

"What ideas do you have or what, what do you think we should do?" You know, that's a simple question, but the spirit has to be a genuine curiosity. Like, "what do you think we should do?" Not "well, what do you think we should do? I, I already know because I'm, you know, I've been doing this for 20 years, but what do you think?

Let's see if you're as smart as I am." Like that's not the spirit in which you ask questions is so critical. Like you have to ask from a position of genuine curiosity, "Hey, what do you think we should do?" And then, and then be quiet and watch silence fill the room. That silence is an indication that you're, you're, the individual in the room with you is thinking. You just did your job.

You created an environment where you ask them to think and work on what they're trying to create. And you got to create space for people to do that. And you do that by having in-powering conversations, moving into possibility, but then asking them and telling less. 

Asking, being curious.

What, what do you see as the biggest opportunity here? What conversations do you think we should be having? You know, just getting the, them to contribute. Because at the end of the day, we're going to create extraordinary results together because people support what they create. And if you take this approach, you start at neutral, you let go of having to get them to do anything.

And the only way you do that is you have to be willing to be with what you're afraid might happen. You've got to be willing to be with it. I'm not saying you're promoting it, but you've got to be okay with, you know what? You got to get yourself to "we're okay" no matter what. It's critical. You just have to, even if it's life or death, you have to be like, it's okay.

If we, if I die, it's okay. You've got to like, get there, start at neutral. And then you've got to help them release that same energy and start, get the room to neutral by acknowledging and validating, just acknowledging and validating the emotions in the room and what's weighing people down without trying to solve it.

Just, "yeah, it's understandable." And then we've got to move away from problem solving and move into possibility. Cause problem solving is, is often a trap to continue to create the same thing that we keep trying to get away from because we, we, you are the one creating the problem because you're choosing to see it as a problem.

And that sounds a little meta and woo-woo-y, but if we had more time, we'd go deeper, I think you'd be like, "Oh." It's, it's, it's critical. So let's, let's set the problems aside and let's move into possibility. Like, 

what do we want here? What would have to be true for us to have that, to create that, to get there? And let's go to work on that.

Not the problem. 

And we do that ultimately through empowering conversations, asking questions that allow everyone to feel the weight of responsibility and not take that responsibility away from them. So thanks for listening. Thanks for tuning into this four part series on saddling your own horse. I would love to hear from you.

Like what, what resonates most with you? What are you taking away from this series? What, what have you applied? Cause I think that's really where the rubber meets the road. Far too often I'm guilty of this, where I read and I listen and like, "Oh yeah, that was interesting," or I agree with that. I'll even have insights like, "Oh, that, wow.

Yeah, I need to," but I don't do anything with it. And so I'm just my, the marching orders here is what's, what do you want to do with all of you, all of what you've been learning in this episode and on the journey we've been on together? What's one thing you want to do? Because as soon as you do it, you put a whole new thing in motion and it starts to create who you're, who you become as a leader.

It shapes everything. And it all starts with you acting on those insights, those ideas that you have within you. Cause that's where all the gold is. That's where leadership actually begins is acting on your creative ideas. So thanks for listening and we'll see you in the next episode. 

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